How Partners Can Support Breastfeeding
Whether you’re a dad, partner, or another type of support person, this is for you.
What can partners do during pregnancy?
Get informed. Learn all about breastfeeding, learn about normal feeding and expectations in the early hours and days.
Learn what you CAN do BESIDES feed the baby. Know you can be really supportive, helpful, have lots of great bonding time, without feeding.
Help the birthing person find resources in your area so that you know where to go for help when you need it (for example find out how your hospital or midwife supports breastfeeding in the early days, interview IBLCs, look for breastfeeding meetups or clinics).
Set up additional support for when the baby arrives, whether a postpartum doula or family/friends, who can come and help so that the birthing person can focus mostly on feeding the baby.
Be confident in your role!
What are a few things you can do after the baby is born? Here are some, with more below.
Skin-to-skin – don’t underestimate the value of that for your baby. And it FEELS so good. (Learn more about skin-to-skin care on my Facebook Live in our parent Facebook group.)
Carry your baby. Use a sling, or simply snuggle.
Experiment to find your own special way to wiggle or jiggle your baby. Partners get really good at this.
Discover your own special holds – I call them the “Dad holds”.
If Mom is not quite ready to feed, gently offer a finger in the mouth to calm your baby.
Photo above by Sonya Boersma. Thanks to this Dad!
How can you specifically support breastfeeding?
Bring a drink of water or a cup of tea. Remind your special breastfeeding mom to bring a water bottle or pack one for her in the diaper bag.
Bring her a pillow, help her problem solve. Remind her of techniques that worked and those that didn’t.
Bring her food to eat. Set up a ‘breastfeeding station’ so they can grab a snack while they are feeding.
At night you can get up with the baby, bring her the baby, change the baby, burp the baby – those are IMPORTANT roles.
Take on more cooking and household chores. Also say “yes” to supportive friends and family who want to help, within what you consider helpful and safe.
Help set boundaries with friends and loved ones. This is not the time to serve tea or coffee to people coming by. Set time limits for visits. When breastfeeding is getting established, protect your space, your precious time as a family.
Coordinate those who are helping, bringing meals, who want to genuinely help and not be company.
Learn more about the value of breastfeeding – you can then speak to others about why it is important.
Be an advocate for breastfeeding with those in your personal community.
Be patient if your partner does not want to be intimate – it will come back.
Be available for the first couple weeks after the birth or line someone else up to help.
If bottles are being used, learn how to bottle feed in a way that supports breastfeeding – SEE resource on this website. Wash pump and bottle parts.
YOU are her biggest cheerleader, encourager, listener and support when she is down – research shows this to be true. You matter in every way!
Give her a cuddle, tell her how proud you are of her and what her body can do.
If there are challenges adapting to breastfeeding, get help. We can provide support for MANY new baby questions – I provide Baby and Breastfeeding Savvy. Better yet, get help BEFORE you need it. My job is to empower you, leaving you more confident and capable.
Some breastfeeding basics to remember:
Breastfeeding takes some patience, especially in the early weeks, but it makes so much difference to brain development and health and well-being.
Breastfeeding does not cause sagging breasts. Pregnancy, genetics, age, smoking and weight loss or gain will affect breast shape, but breastfeeding does not have a long-term effect on appearance.
Breastfeeding can take 6 weeks to figure out, feel normal, and be emotionally comfortable (lots of exceptions). That is why bottles and artificial nipples should not start until 4-6 weeks, when breastfeeding is established.
Nearly all problems can be overcome with determination, as well as quality, knowledgeable support. I’m often so inspired by my clients’ ability to stick with it until they get it.
Babies usually do not NEED a bottle. If breastfeeding is going well, a bottle may never be needed because from a young age they can move to a cup.
What are special things you can do to bond with your baby?
Hop in the tub with your little one – it’s an awesome skin-to-skin time. You do also need a support person there.
Figure out your special holds and jiggles with your baby – keep trying and you’ll figure them out.
Learn some infant massage techniques. You can make diaper changing more fun by adding massage.
Be the overnight person who burps and changes diapers changer so your breastfeeding partner can get more rest.
Hold your baby skin-to-skin – it not only FEELS good, but you are growing your baby’s brain at the same time the two of you are having quality time and bonding.
Sources:
Pregnancy, Birth & Baby https://www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au/breastfeeding-for-fathers
The Positive Breastfeeding Book, by Amy Brown, Pinter & Martin Ltd. © 2018
Sonya Boersma’s experience and clients’ experiences
Sonya Boersma MScN, RN, IBCLC, Lactation Care © 2021
